On the One Hand, IVF

IVF is one of those things that happens to other people. Not me. Not us. But yet, here we are, contemplating IVF. It's hard to wrap my mind around. Knowing that our only option to have a baby may be one fraught with hormones, needles, petri dishes, and a multitude of doctor's visits is somewhat unsettling. After three losses, I find it hard to believe it will work. I find it hard to believe anything will work. But Dr. Fertility laid it out- after this IUI, it's IVF or bust. 


I've been wrestling with the different emotions pertaining to IVF, and I finally decided to sit down and write a list of pros & cons, the good old-fashioned way. 


So here goes: 


PROS

• Could result in a biological child
• Mostly covered by our insurance plan

CONS

• May not result in a child
• May result in multiples
• May result in another loss
• Will subject my body to hormones, medication, injections, and surgical procedures
• Will cost a good amount of money out of pocket, even with insurance

No matter what, my con list is always longer than my pro list. But the two things on the pro list are pretty heavily weighted. I know if we don't try IVF, I may regret it later. Especially since most of our treatment will be covered by insurance. How much, I don't really know- finding out is on my "to do" list. 


I know how tired I am of the infertility treatments right now, and we're only treading on "light weight" status with the IUIs. I'm not sure I can handle what is to come with IVF. Not sure about anything. I know for some women, being pregnant and giving birth to a child is all that matters. To me, and maybe it's because we do have one biological son and because we've suffered through three losses, I'm more about the child. I don't really care how we add to our family, I just know we're not complete yet. 

I basically now have three weeks to decide what we do if this IUI cycle fails. I have to schedule a pre-emptive IVF consult next week because the whole pre-IVF stuff has to be laid out in advance, I guess. I don't know if I can make this decision that fast, but I do know that I want to be done with infertility treatments the second we ring in 2011. I want to be done with this part of the journey, one way or another. 


So maybe that's my answer. Give IVF a try until December is over? Sigh.