On the Other Hand, Adoption

I've been drawn to adoption for over a year now. I am far more willing to adopt a child than to go through IVF. The reasons are many, but I don't really need to make a pro & con list for Adoption. The pros list is huge. The con list is the cost. 


I began researching adoption about 2 years ago, but thought we'd never have to really think about it, so I didn't delve in to deep. Early this year, after researching both domestic and international adoption, I asked Russ if he would be willing to go to an international adoption seminar nearby. Surprisingly, he agreed. We sat in a freezing cold room, sifting through brochures on adoption from several countries, both of us agreeing that China would be our preference due to the travel time and the fact that my husband travels to China every year for business, so he feels some ties to the country, and also some familiarity with it. We listened to the requirements, the travel, the options, all of it a lot to take in. When all was said and done, we decided that IF we could ever adopt, a China Special Needs child would be first on our list. 

We then were blessed with a visit from an adopting family, a lovely young couple who adopted two boys from Russia. The boys, not biological brothers, but brothers in every other sense of the word, stole the show (and the hearts of everyone in the room). They were adorable, real live breathing adopted children- they could be like ours! And they were adopted at ages 1 and 3, which is the age range we would love to adopt in. My heart is set on adopting an older child, and international adoption can provide that. But then, someone asked the question- how much did you end up spending? Their answer? $80,000. Granted, they adopted two boys, which pretty much doubles the cost, but still. We don't have that kind of money. And we never will. So, back to the cons on adopting. 

Disappointed, I began researching domestic adoption, both through an agency and through our state's foster system. After speaking with a friend who was brutally  honest about adopting 4 kids through the foster system, I knew that route was out. For many reasons, the top one being that my son has to be my first priority, and fostering could be devastating to him. Then I spoke to a friend who has adopted a domestic infant through open adoption. Maybe we could handle that, but the risk of laying out all that money and having the birth mom change her mind- well, we can't afford that. So, back to infertility treatments we went. 


This week, I read this wonderful book:

It was an honest look at adopting both domestically and internationally. It was a bit churchy for my taste, but otherwise it was chalk full of good info. The author shares her story of open adoption, and my mindset on the idea shifted a little. Enough so that I filled out an application for an open adoption agency nearby, but have no submitted it. But it's a step.

If I could have my way, we'd adopt internationally, and we would've started the process a year ago. But the reality is that, to adopt anywhere, we would have to save/raise $30,000. I've researched adoption fundraisers and grants, but I don't see how we could do it. It doesn't mean I won't try. I'm starting to save a little here and there, I'm listing things on craigslist.org and Ebay to put a little money in the bank, but until we pull the trigger and decide to buckle down and do everything in our power to adopt, I have to give IVF a try. 

So, the decision is made, I guess. We'll see what my husband has to say, but I think it's IVF or bust for now.