The IUI Emotional Rollercoaster

For those who have never had an Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), it's not as big of a deal as one would think. Of course, that's if you leave the emotions out of it, which is easy to do until about 7 or 8 days past the IUI, when you begin to think "maybe if I took a home pregnancy test (hpt) now, it would be positive!" And so the insanity of the Two Week Wait takes full hold of you, and it becomes a pee-a-thon of stellar proportions. Oh, the money I have spent on pregnancy tests for the the past 3 1/2 years.... well, we could probably adopt! 


Since we've been told that this is our last IUI before we will have to move onto IVF, the stakes are that much higher. Because of this, I have made a note of every little thing that has been different from all the other cycles, and every little thing that has been different from the last three IUI's. Not that I think the differences will make one lick of difference. It's just that I need something to focus on, or I'm going to lose my mind. 


The funny thing about IUI cycles is that it's all one big dog and pony show, but your body is in control. You're given a variety of hormones, a chart to help you remember when to take which hormones on which day, and are subjected to a vaginal ultrasound not once, but twice (and sometimes more if you're body decides not to cooperate!). Oh, the joy of being an infertile woman. Thankfully, I'm now on a first name basis with my ultrasound tech, so I no longer care if I shave my legs for her or not. Weird, I know, but that's the crap you think of when you've got an ultrasonic wand shoved up your hooha. Your ultrasound on cycle day 3 shows if your egg follicles from the last cycle are all gone, and how many new ones are developing. You come back again after taking a bunch of follicle stimulating hormones, in my case Clomid, and then you get another ultrasound to see how big those egg follicles are. And how many. Usually I have two. One cycle I had three and had to decide if I still wanted to go forward, because 3 eggs could equal 3 babies. Eeek! But, with our luck (or lack of), we agreed to go forward with that one, and of course, that was a loser cycle. 

Anyway, back to the IUI. So, once it is decided your follicles are mature enough, you may or may not get an injection of HCG. Yes, the same hormone that pregnancy tests measure to see if you are pregnant. How cruel! This fun little event takes place with a needle to your stomach, but thankfully, only once. And surprisingly, if you do it yourself, it hurts less than if the nurse does it. Because you are much more kind to your body than the nurse is. Make a note of it. Once the hcg shot is given, you schedule your IUI. We did back to back IUI, meaning one IUI on one day, and another IUI on the following day. In our case, my lovely cooperative husband dropped the swimmers off in a cup at our fertility office, and then one hour later, I arrive for the party. The whole thing literally takes 15 minutes from start to finish. They stick in a speculum, which is the part that usually sucks, but usually not too bad, then they take a little catheter (after they've made you check a bazillion times that you & your partner's name are on the prepared swimmers' tube!), thread it through your cervix, inject the little buggers, and you're done. Lay down for 10-15 minutes, and then you can go about your day. Easy, right? It actually is. 


During this whole time you get to do bloodwork. Lots of bloodwork. Day 3, again on 7 days past ovulation, and again on 14 days past ovulation. That's the part I hate. That's a much bigger needle than the one to the stomach. But, the great thing about using an infertility center versus a general obgyn is that the blood work is usually back within 6 hours! Often I'll give blood at 7:30am and the nurse will call me by 2pm. That is fabulous. Gone are the days of waiting 2-3 days for results when you use an infertility center! 


Once your IUI is done, there's nothing to do but wait. And that is the hardest part. Because I get the HCG injection, also known as a trigger shot, I have to wait about 10 days past the injection to take an hpt, or the results could be a false positive. So what did I go and do this cycle? Took an hpt at 9 days past the IUI (9dpiui). And it was positive. Absolutely positive! Dark enough to see the line without squinting at all! So exciting, so hopeful!  That little voice inside my head knew it could be the trigger, but when I tested again this morning, fulling expecting a beautiful Big Fat Positive (BFP) on the test, it was barely a line. Still positive, but less so than yesterday. More than likely, my test yesterday picked up the last of the trigger shot. Stupid me. 

Can you see that faint little plus sign? Yeah, that's the culprit.

I was soaring yesterday, so sure it had worked, so sure that I could go shopping for baby clothes and a new crib and all the fun stuff that comes with knowing it worked. But now, doubt has creeped back in. What if the test was a chemical pregnancy? What if it was the trigger? What if this does work and I lose another baby? What if it never works at all? After this fourth and final IUI, the nurse handed me a patient satisfaction survey to fill out. I love the Fertility Centers of Illinois, so they got high marks for everything. But when they ask for any suggestions on how to make the experience better, I simply put "Guarantee Pregnancy. Just Kidding. Sort of." Yep, that would make the whole experience better. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel.


And so, I keep waiting.